hungarian funnies

Hungarian humour is strange. And when I say strange I mean it's not funny, and I seem to be the brunt of much of it.

Being a teacher makes you realise that kids are relentless machines of torture, persecution and mockery. And persecution, mockery and torture and pretty much what make Hungarians laugh. So for a few hours a day I am their clown.

Everything is funny to them. I drop a pen, it is met with howls of laughter. A pen? it's not that funny is it? I mean everyone drops a pen occasionally, it's not a big deal. If I dropped a tray holding a ming vase then laugh by all means. If I slip on a banana skin, or walk into a glass door then please get it on youtube, let the world know what a clown I am. But dropping a pen? Give me a break. 

They also laugh at any of my attempted Hungarian, all of them do, it's like I am doing a silly voice whenever I try and say something like 'hello' or 'how are you?'. Which is bitterly ironic as many of them speak English terribly. Some of them have learned for 12 years, over a decade, and still pronounce 'suit' 'swweeeuuutt'. Maybe I should laugh at them.

But this week I got the biggest laugh. And I deserved it.

Having your fly undone is a schoolboy error anywhere in the world. But in the world of Hungarian teachers, it's professional suicide.

'OH MY GOD!!!!!! HE HAS HIS TRUSIERS UNMADE!!!!!'

This was followed by screeches of laughter. Hungarians don't have belly laughs like the rest of us, they only snort in contempt or screech at others' misfortune.

Hungarian humour is no exactly cutting edge. They like slapstick, following the world's unexplainable love of Benny Hill, they haven't got irony, or satire (they don't mock their politicians, they just wish unending torture upon them and their children) and they don't really get self-deprecation. Well, they sort of have it, but most of the jokes go something like this (these are real Hungarian jokes. I know some of it is lost in the bad translation of my students, but still):

'Why was the Russian in Budapest? Because the Russians always invade us and steal our land'. Or another: 'Why was the gypsy laying down? Because he doesn't work and steals our money'.

They don't get self deprecation as they are a self hating people. In these blogs it may seem that I don't like Hungarians, but by God they hate themselves more than anyone else ever could. If you see a smiling Hungarian they are either drunk, not in Hungary or thinking about someone else's misfortune.

So next time you want to punch the joker at work or switch off whatever catchphrase-based comedy is popular this month just take a second and think of me living in the land of anti-humour.